Coda - 12x10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets

Castiel all but flew into the bunker, his trenchcoat billowing behind him. Fury was coming off him in waves and for the first time in a long time, the lights in the room flickered as he passed underneath them.

“Cas,” Dean sighed, striding after him with purpose, but whatever the purpose was, Castiel didn’t care.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Castiel kept walking and Dean had to practically jog to keep up.

Sam entered the bunker and paused at the bottom of the steps. Castiel could feel the longing rolling off him, and it was a longing to be far away from here, and well away from the brewing fight between Dean and Castiel. Honestly, Castiel couldn’t blame him.

When Dean eventually caught up and placed and a hand on his shoulder, Castiel wheeled around, wrenching himself free.

“Do not touch me. You have shown me nothing but disrespect for days. Your hypocrisy is beginning to grate on my nerves. Yes, I made a stupid decision, borne out of love for the only family I have left. You act like a Winchester has never made a reckless choice and broke the world.”

The lights flickered again, more rapidly and Dean flinched, but he didn’t break his eyes away from Castiel. Raising his hands, he inclined his head, his expression filled with chagrin. “Okay, so let’s talk about this…”

“So now you want to talk? After the days of silent treatment, sarcastic comments whenever you deigned to speak to me at all? Well I don’t want to talk. What I want is to go to bed and to recover from the drain on my powers.”

Dean stared at him for a long moment and when he spoke up again, his voice came out much quieter, less argumentative. “So I guess that means I’m not welcome? I guess Ishim made you think twice, huh? About falling –” he stopped abruptly and cleared his throat. “About the company you keep. Guess us apes are just too much trouble, huh? What was it he said? Who am I to question your choices?”

Castiel’s expression shifted and the lights returned to normal. He made eye contact with Dean and felt his anger slowly dissipate into nothing. “Dean, that’s not what this is. This isn’t my priorities changing. This isn’t me choosing Heaven over you. That will never be my choice. This is me being pissed because you couldn’t respect my choices.”

Dean nodded, biting his lip. “Could we at least get a beer, first? Talk about this? There’s…. there’s a lot of stuff that needs to be said. We should have talked things over before now.”

Sam slowly came up behind Dean, and faced with the two Winchester brothers staring at him like that, almost pleading with him to end the tension that had been suffocating them for days, he found he was powerless to refuse.

He inclined his head and made for the kitchen, the weight on his shoulders from their argument falling away, like it had never even been there to begin with.

Coda - 12x09 First Blood

A knock at the bedroom door breaks his reverie. Cas doesn’t look up, nor does he respond. He knows it’s Dean. He’s still too mad to be with him right now, to even look at him.

But every second of their time apart, those six weeks, two days and who knows how many hours before Dean called him, they still resonate within him. The emptiness, the loneliness, the guilt eating away at him, tearing at every positive emotion he had.

The door cracks open, and Dean sticks his head around, clearing his throat. When Castiel forced himself to turn around, his first thought is how uncertain Dean looks. He pats the bed beside him with a sigh, knowing that he will never turn Dean away.

“You were stupid.” He tells Dean quietly.

Dean settles next to him, nudges at Castiel until the angel gives in and envelopes him in his arms. It’s not often that Dean consents to be held, preferring to be the one doing the holding. It betrays his vulnerability, and melts away the majority of Castiel’s anger.

“I was dying, Cas. I was going out of my mind in there. It was the only way out I could see.”

“And the Winchester that you planned to sacrifice?” Castiel asks harshly, fury flaring up inside him. “You wouldn’t let her take Mary. I have nine years of experience knowing that you would never sacrifice Sam. You were going to leave me.”

Dean flinches. He doesn’t deny it. Castiel doesn’t push.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t… that I would just… it wasn’t an easy decision,” Dean says eventually. “I said midnight so I could say goodbye.”

The words push away the remains of his tension and he softens, tightening his grip around Dean and turning so he could press closer. Dean has spent those six weeks feeling exactly the same things Castiel had. There was always time for anger in the morning.

For now, they’re the closest they’ve been in almost two months.

That’s enough.

Masterpost

Ice (AO3)

Summary: Inspired by this figure skating video. After an accident takes away Dean’s future in competitive figure skating, his relationship with Castiel suffers.

Please watch the video before reading!

“So give me the good news, Doc, when can I get back to competing?” Dean jokes, even though his face is white with the residual pain, even with painkillers taking the edge off. It really fucking hurts.

Castiel is by his side, clutching his hand tightly, lending support and comfort. It had been a nasty accident, one of the junior competitors had snuck over onto Dean’s side of the ice and crashed into him. The combination of Dean’s triple salchow and an overeager fan resulted in two broken bones and some muscle damage to Dean’s ankle. The kid had skated away without even a scratch.

He’d been on track for a fourth gold medal. Now he has no choice but to forfeit the competition. Castiel is the frontrunner for the gold medal, his third to date.

When the doctor doesn’t smile back, Dean’s stomach plummets.

“Mr. Winchester… I don’t think you realise how grave the damage to your ankle was. I can’t recommend you ever go back to competitive figure skating. The rigorous training regimen will only serve to weaken your muscles, and one more accident could mean you’ll never skate again. If you retire now, you’ll still be able to skate recreationally, maybe even coach.”

Dean stops listening after he hears the three words that shatters his heart. Never skate again. He’ll never be able to skate on the ice with Castiel again.

He turns to his lover abruptly, seeing the pain in his own eyes mirrored back. Desperately, Dean’s fingers tighten around Castiel’s and he bows his head.

“Could you give us a minute to process?” Castiel asks, vocalising what Dean was thinking. It’s too much to take in. It can’t be true. He’s had worse scrapes than this, he’d just been warming up. The sound of the door closing behind the surgeon vaguely echoes through the haze surrounding Dean, and he looks up at Castiel dumbly.

Castiel doesn’t speak, just strokes his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand and waits for him to talk in his own time.

“I want to go home,” Dean says eventually, averting his eyes. He can’t even look at Castiel right now, can’t bear the sympathy in his eyes. He can’t bear to see his lover, knowing that he was on track to win several more gold medals, while Dean will never win another. That his career has been cut short in his prime all because of a simple accident.

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The Best Christmas Sweater In The World (AO3)

Summary: This is the year. Dean will eventually tell Castiel that he likes him. Oh, and also that his baking sucks.

Thanks to @sparksflycastiel and my BFF Dean for helping me come up with the ending.

“That’s everything,” Jess beamed as she looked at the table of treats spread out before them.

She and Dean had been baking all morning, getting everything ready for the Christmas party they were throwing that evening. Sam had mostly observed and sneaked leftovers whenever they weren’t watching. Naturally, they caught him, but it was harmless so they both pretended not to see.

“Not everything,” Sam reminded her, a smirk starting to spread across his face. “Charlie will probably bring her peppermint brownies, and Cas will no doubt surprise Dean with something festive.”

Dean groaned and shoved at his brother, his cheeks heating up. He wasn’t wrong. Every year for the last four years, their neighbour Castiel turned up with a plate of festive treats that he gifted to Dean. It was a sweet gesture, except for one thing. Castiel was possibly the world’s worst baker. Every year, his plate went untouched. But Dean, who may or may not have a teeny crush on the guy, would sneak some so it looked like people were enjoying them.

“Why don’t you just tell him, Dean?” Jess asked, not unkindly. “I’m sure he’d rather know.”

“Why don’t you tell him?” Dean snapped, before shooting an apologetic look at her. “Sorry, I know, I just … he looks at me with those big blue eyes and I’d feel awful.”

Sam snorted, shaking his head. “Pretty sure Benny broke a tooth on one of his cookies last year. He’s still bitter over it too. He’s a menace to baked goods, Dean.”

Dean pulled a face. “I know, I know. I’ll figure something out.”

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Coda - 12x08 LOTUS

Twenty-three days pass before Dean caves.

He’s tried so hard not to break, to say nothing outside of the regular updates in his prayers. That he’s fine, that Sam is fine, that they’re working on a way out and that hopefully Cas is working on the same. That he’s being treated well.

I mean, it’s not exactly the Hilton, but they get fed and there’s a bed and sometimes when he was growing up that wasn’t always a thing, so he can’t complain.

But the one-sided conversations quickly wear him down and one night, Dean just breaks.

“Cas, I, uh, hope you got your ears on,” Dean’s voice breaks as he presses his cheek to the cool concrete of the cell wall. “This whole prison thing… its wearing me down, man. I hate being away from you.”

He closes his eyes to try and hold back the bitter tears that are threatening. He won’t cry. He won’t.

“I miss you, Cas. I miss being able to hold you at night. I miss making you coffee in the mornings and watching you frown at the paper.” Dean pauses to huff out a laugh at the memory. “And I know that you’d be all making with the rescue if you could, but I hope you’ve got something in the works right now, because I gotta tell you… I got nothing.”

Pulling the blanket over himself, Dean lays down and curls up into a ball, trying to block out the rest of the world.

*

At the bunker, Castiel’s fist loosens its tight grip on Dean’s pillow and he silently promises that they’ll be reunited soon.

Masterpost

Coda - 12x07 Rock Never Dies

A/N There’s a reason I don’t write smut so please don’t judge me for this mild teasing involving the referenced Enochian handcuffs.

Castiel knows better than to go to Dean until he’s had time to calm down. A shower and clean clothes are more than enough to help him relax, to regain his clarity. The day hadn’t gone exactly as planned, not that they’d even really had a plan. At this point, offering to sacrifice himself came naturally to Castiel. Half of the time, he didn’t really expect to die.

Dean wouldn’t let him.

Still, Lucifer’s escape and their epic failure weighs heavily on them both, knowing they’ll have to deal with this all over again in a matter of days, weeks, months. Sooner or later. All they can do is hope that they’re better prepared next time they come face-to-face with the devil himself.

He comes bearing gifts, a six-pack of beer and Porky’s II on DVD, hoping that it will make up for his melancholy mood on the ride back to the bunker. He’s still not quite sure what to expect when he enters Dean’s bedroom, but it definitely isn’t this.

There are candles, everywhere. The room would be in complete darkness if it wasn’t for the dozens of flickering lights that created a subtle, softened glow. It’s obvious that Dean has gone to a lot of effort, the room no longer smells of greasy food and stale beer.

Castiel sets the beer down in the doorway, resting the DVD on top. It seems that they’re both going to be unneeded tonight. Raising his eyes to Dean, sprawled out on the bed completely naked, Castiel swallows and shrugs out of his t-shirt, letting it fall to the floor.

Dean looks almost celestial in the candlelight. Every inch of his body looks like it’s glowing. It’s been a long time since Castiel has seen his own personal Heaven, but he knows that it’s something close to this. He swallows, eyes tracing over the curve of Dean’s thigh, all the way up to his eyes.

“What’s this in aid of?” He asks once he’s found his voice.

Dean cocks a smile and pats the spot on the bed next to him. “Us. Just because we didn’t get a win today, doesn’t mean that there stops being an us, or that we should ignore it. We spent too long dancing around this, Cas. I intend to make the most of every minute with you.”

Castiel loosens the drawstrings on his sweats and steps out of them, crawling onto the bed. He reaches for Dean tentatively, fingertips gentle brushing over the soft skin of Dean’s stomach. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe he can have this, that Dean is his to touch as he pleases.

He withdraws when Dean stops him, uncertain but trusting. Dean clearly has some kind of plan in mind, and Castiel is happy to go along with what he wants.

“Not tonight, okay? Tonight is about you.”

Dean coaxes his arms up to the bedframe. They’ve done this enough that Castiel know what’s coming, and he doesn’t even look up when he hears the click of the handcuffs. It had been odd, to see them today, preparing to use them on Lucifer. That was not the kind of use they’d seen for quite a while.

“Relax,” Dean murmurs, sliding his hands over Castiel’s thighs. The simple touch is enough to make Castiel instantly melt, the tension leaving his body almost as if to obey Dean’s order. Dean’s palms leave a lingering trail of heat as they roam, the scorching touch both arousing and overloading. He can’t think, it’s like all his brain cells have checked out, and the only thought in his head is Dean.

“Please,” he gasps, bucking his hips upwards when Dean’s hand smoothly brushes over his length.

Dean chuckles, and then there are lips at his jawline, at his pulse point, trailing over his neck. “Beggin’ already, Cas? You’re gonna be a wreck when I’m done with you.”

There’s an undertone of promise in his voice, and Castiel shivers with desire. Dean never fails to deliver on this kind of oath, and Castiel know that before morning, he will be aching and sore and sated in every possible way.

He can’t wait.

Masterpost

Light (AO3)

Summary: Five times Castiel saw the sunrise and one time he was otherwise occupied.

Thanks for @sparksflycastiel for being an amazing beta!

1.

“I don’t know why I married you when you clearly don’t want to be here. You never have.”

Castiel shifted in his bed, his cheek pressed against the pillow as he faced the wall. The fighting had started again. He didn’t know what had started it off this time, but he could hear his daddy yelling at his mommy. They were always screaming at each other. Castiel knew it was his fault, his mommy had told him so. He’d ruined her life.

“Will you keep your voice down, Chuck, for God’s sake? You’ll wake up the kid!”

“The kid? Is it too hard for you to call our son by his name? It’s Castiel, in case you forgot. You know, since you’re never here, rolling in from God knows where in the early hours.” She rarely used Castiel’s name, she always called him kid. Castiel didn’t mind though. His mom sometimes smiled when she called him kid. She never smiled when she said Castiel.

“Our son? That’s rich. He’s only our son when you want something from me, otherwise he’s your son.”

“Well maybe if you were any kind of mother to him, he’d be our son all the time.”

Castiel scrunched his eyes closed and tried to block out the shouting. He knew it was late; it was dark outside. He couldn’t even see any of the lights from the house next door shining through his window, so he knew everyone had to be asleep. Like he was supposed to be. But mommy had promised him a bedtime story, so Castiel had waited up.

“I can’t do this anymore, Chuck. I never wanted kids, I never wanted this life. I’ve had enough.”

Silence.

“And Castiel?” Chuck asked, defeated. “What exactly do I tell our son about why his mom walked out?”

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Coda - 12x06 Celebrating The Life Of Asa Fox

Castiel calls when they’re at breakfast.

It’s not quite habit, more of a promise to check in daily. Not once since he left with Crowley has Castiel broken that promise. Every morning, like clockwork, the sound of Ain’t No Sunshine trills from Dean’s phone - Castiel’s personal ringtone. Sam still smirks when it goes off, but Dean’s past the embarrassment stage now.

“Mornin’, sunshine,” Dean greets, around a mouthful of bacon.

“Good morning, Dean,” Castiel replies, the smile in his voice evident even through the phone. “You sound in much better spirits today.”

Dean can’t deny that, and once he’s swallowed his mouthful of bacon, he smiles too. “Yeah, well, things are looking up. Bumped into mom again, and I think things are looking up.”

He glances up at Mary, just coming back from the bathroom and his smile widens when she meets his gaze.

“You think she’ll come home?”

Sam kicks Dean under the table before he can answer. “Is that Cas? Put him on speaker, mom wants to know how he is.”

Dean rolls his eyes and does as he’s told, sitting back to eat more bacon while everyone commandeers his cell phone to talk to their favourite angel. He just smiles as Mary’s eyes light up and wonders if that’s the expression he gets around Castiel too. If Castiel makes everyone feel that way.

He takes the phone back eventually, waving off their protests as he turns off the speaker and presses the phone back to his ear.

“Hey. You think you’ll come home soon?”

Castiel sighs. “I hope so.”

“I hope so too,” Dean admits, clearing his throat gruffly. Alone, he wouldn’t hesitate to say something like that to Cas, but in front of Sammy he’s still a little more reserved.

“You never answered me about Mary earlier. Do you think she’ll come home?”

Dean looks at his mom and remembers the conversation with Billie. He smiles.

“Yeah.” He says, eventually. “In time.”

Masterpost

Coda - 12x05 The One You’ve Been Waiting For

He’s halfway through eating his third slice of pie when his phone rings. Sam rolls his eyes and pointedly heads to the bathroom as Dean shoves a final forkful of pecan pie into his mouth before answering.

“’Sup Cas,” he mumbles around the delicious sweetness. “How’s things?”

“Slow,” Castiel sighs, and Dean can hear the pop as Cas flips the top off a bottle of beer. “No sign of Lucifer so far, but we’re still looking. Crowley has been… surprisingly resourceful.”

Dean snorts and covers it up with a sip of coffee. “Don’t think that was ever in doubt, Cas, he’s just a pain in the ass to work with.”

There’s definitely a smile in Castiel’s voice when he replies. “How are things with you, Dean?”

To Dean’s credit, he does hold off for a few seconds, talking about the case, but he can only suppress his life’s achievement for so long. “I killed Hitler.”

Silence. Then -

“What?”

Dean grins wildly. “Oh, you know. Nazi necromancers, the Thule… Aaron mentioned they were all closing ranks and it was part of some plan to resurrect the Fuhrer. And I shot him in the face,” he finishes smugly.

“That’s… that’s great, Dean,” Castiel smiles, and Dean knows Castiel doesn’t really understand the gravity of his action, but is proud of him nonetheless. But then his voice changes to more of a growl. “Aaron? Your ‘gay thing’?”

Dean can hear the quotation marks and the internal jealousy and swallows, hard. Shifting in his seat, he lowers his voice.

“It’s not like that, Cas. You know it’s just you now. Aaron… the dude is just a friend.”

“I’ll need convincing of that when I get home,” Castiel replies darkly, and then Dean stops paying attention.

Because Cas said home.

Dean smiles as he hums in response to whatever Castiel just said, because nobody else could ever make him feel like this.

Masterpost

Coda - 12x04 American Nightmare

Dean sets down his beer, looking at the caller ID on the front of his phone.

Cas is calling…

With a sigh, he picks up the phone and settles himself back on the bed. “Hey,” he greets, softly. It’s good to hear from Castiel, honestly. With how hard it’s been to continue, the abandonment constantly weighing down on his shoulders and crushing in his chest, it’s good to know that Cas is always there for him.

“Hello, Dean. How was the case?”

“Done and dusted,” Dean replies, matter-of-factly, before adding sheepishly. “Creepy ass mom, psychic daughter… Sam called it. I, uh, kinda didn’t have my head in the game. With mom gone, and you off making a sitcom with Crowley.”

“Dean.” Castiel’s tone is reproachful, chastising, and yet it suddenly feels like Dean is drowning. His rational mind knows it’s stupid to feel like this, knows that Sam is probably right about Mary coming home eventually. She just needs space, hell, she even sent a text to say she loves him. He knows that Cas despises working with Crowley and would rather be here. But somehow, in his melancholy, his heart just doesn’t quite believe it.

“I know, Cas, okay? I know. I just…” he tries to put into words just how he feels, how much he’s struggling. The right combination of words will bring Castiel home, will have him abandoning the search for Lucifer.

But Dean can’t bring himself to be that selfish.

“I know,” he finishes lamely. “It’s just been a rough day, yeah? Call me if you get a sniff of Lucifer and need some backup.”

With that, he hangs up the phone and drains what’s left of his beer. In a moment of grief at his weakness, he throws the bottle across the room, watching in satisfaction as it shatters, the last few droplets dripping down the bare plaster.

Beside him, his phone starts to vibrate again.

Cas is calling…

Dean doesn’t even spare it a glance, just buries his face in his pillow and lets the tears start to fall.

Masterpost

12x03 The Foundry

Castiel heads down the stairs with a weary sigh, ducking into the room designated as his own and closing the door quietly. He can hear the sounds of Sam and Dean talking in the kitchen, but after a day in Crowley’s company, all he wants is to shower off the stench of demon and take a moment to recuperate.

The shower is hot and welcoming and pretty soon Castiel feels more … human than he has in a while. At least, as human as it’s possible for an angel to feel.

He throws on his robe and makes sure to pull on some pajama pants underneath, remembering the last time he went wandering around the bunker with no pants on and Sam’s horror. A final pause, and Castiel uses the mirror to run his fingers through his hair, creating an artfully tousled look that Dean has admired on him more than once.

More suitably attired for company, Castiel heads to the kitchen and casts a smile in Dean’s direction. It quickly fades as he spots the whiskey bottle and both of their sober expressions.

“What happened?” He asks, urgently. “Where’s… where’s Mary?”

“Gone,” Dean throws back the rest of his liquor and leaves the room abruptly, with nothing but an awkward silence in his wake.

Sam pours himself another drink and offers the bottle to Castiel, who shakes his head, feeling a stab of frustration.

“What do you mean, gone?” He snaps, tugging Sam’s glass away. “Gone where?”

“She needed some time to herself, to get her bearings on hunting, on us,” Sam raises his glass bitterly. “Because I’m not her baby and Dean’s not her little boy any more. I get it, Cas, I do, but … I’ve had a mom for like a week of my life, and she’s already walked out on me.”

He drains his glass and follows Dean’s example, the loud slam of his bedroom door echoing as Castiel stands alone in the kitchen.

He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know that he can provide any comfort to either of them right now. This is something Castiel has never had to experience.

His feet takes him to Dean, as he always knew they would, and he steps in the room without knocking. Dean is sitting on the edge of his bed, his back to the door with his head in his hands. His body is tense with grief, and Castiel knows there is nothing he can offer that will make Dean’s pain go away.

But Dean doesn’t tell him to leave, so he understands that Dean needs him right now.

Silently, Castiel positions himself on the bed and reaches out. It takes no more than a murmur of Dean’s name, before Dean relents, curling up in his arms and letting out a whimper of grief.

“I’m sorry, Dean, ” Castiel murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “Do you need anything?”

“Just you,” Dean whispers.

Castiel nods, because he can do that.

Dean will always have him.

Masterpost

Coda - 12x02 Mamma Mia

Dean takes a last pull of his beer as he puts the photographs away. It’s all still overwhelming to him, having Mary around again. Having Sam back. This is more of a family than they’ve had in years, and he’s struggling to make sense of it, to make sense of his place.

He pads down the hallway, hesitating outside Mary’s door for just a moment, before heading for Castiel’s.

“Hey,” he sticks his head around the door. “You, uh, got a minute?”

Castiel glances up from his TV softly. A click, and Netflix is gone and then he’s patting the space next to him on the bed.

“Of course, Dean.”

Dean steps inside, closing the door behind him and sighing. “Thanks, Cas. For giving us space. I, uh, just wanted to give Sam time to adjust to mom, you know?”

Castiel reaches out and takes Dean’s hand, squeezing it lightly. “You don’t need to explain, Dean. I understand human customs. And you took my advice and didn’t make it complicated.” The corners of his eyes crinkle.

Dean laughs softly, laying back on the soft bed and making himself comfortable.. “Yeah, sometimes you get humanity better than humans do,” he murmurs. “Is it okay if I stay here tonight?”

Castiel rolls over, resting his head on Dean’s chest and sliding an arm over his waist. “You can stay every night.”

They both fall silent, just enjoying the peace. For now, there’s no danger. Sam is safe, Mary is alive, and Dean and Castiel don’t have to leave the room for the next twelve hours.

They intend to make the most of it.

Masterpost

Coda - 12x01 Keep Calm And Carry On

Castiel finds Dean perched on the hood of the Impala, looking up at the stars and clutching a beer. They only pulled up at the motel a couple of hours ago and Dean’s still fully dressed. It’s painfully obvious he hasn’t even attempted to sleep.

“Dean, you need to rest.”

He watches Dean take another pull from the beer bottle and sighs, sitting next to him silently. If Dean wants to torture himself for not being here for Sam while he was off being a martyr for the whole world, then at least Castiel can offer him company.

“We’ll get him back. You know that Sam has always shown resilience. You Winchesters have a knack for getting out of sticky situations.”

That causes the corner of Dean’s mouth to quirk up. Castiel counts it as a victory.

“You should sleep,” he tries again, gently. “You need to be in top shape to get Sam back. If you won’t listen to me, I could always ask Mary to come and talk to you.”

Dean raises his eyebrow. “On first name terms with my mom already, Cas? You sure work fast. Don’t go thinkin’ you can get away with using her to get me to listen to you either.” The tone is soft, teasing, but the hardness quickly sets in again as he thinks about Sam.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect him. The sigil… I should have been quicker. I should still have my wings,” Castiel’s tone is tinged with bitterness, that once again he failed to save one of his friends.

“Ain’t your fault, Cas. If she hadn’t blasted you, she’d probably have killed you or took you too. Don’t think I have it in me to lose you as well. I’d be goin’ outta my mind.”

Castiel softens and looks up when he feels one of Dean’s hands cover his own, fingers curling tightly. Dean doesn’t blame him. Hope fills Castiel’s chest and he nods, accepting what lay unspoken.

Dean pulls away after a moment, and heads inside.

Castiel looks down at his hand, still tingling from the touch, and then up at the sky. He remembers soaring high, flying among the stars and the galaxies. He remembers being made of pure light, not confined to a body that still doesn’t feel his own, even after eight years.

He remembers the warmth of Dean’s hand around his own, and the unspoken feeling between them, and he regrets nothing.

This is where he wants to be.

Masterpost

Oxygen (AO3) - 3,638 words, deancas, high school and college au

Summary: Five times Castiel found himself unable to breathe, and one time it had never been more natural.

1.

When Castiel first met Dean, he couldn’t breathe.

No, he physically couldn’t breathe. It was freshman year and he was changing after gym class. He’d managed to take it easy, a note from his doctor explaining his asthma meant he couldn’t do a whole lot of physical exercise. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was thirty different types of deodorant cans being sprayed in the locker room, and Castiel felt his throat begin to tighten alarmingly.

It only took a few seconds for him to realise he was having a full blown asthma attack, and he struggled to pull his shirt on before he sank to the floor. He didn’t want to pass out half-naked in gym class, this wasn’t the reputation he wanted to have hanging over him.

His lungs wouldn’t expand, as if they were already full. Castiel felt panic descend and began to wheeze, trying desperately to get more oxygen into his body.

“Woah, hey, are you okay?”

Castiel blinked as his hand came up to his throat. It felt like someone was sitting on his chest, like he was slowly suffocating. His inhaler – he needed his inhaler. His free hand came up to grab his bag, pulling it to the floor as his breath came in quick, short bursts. He was becoming light-headed, and couldn’t keep a grip on his backpack long enough to get to the equipment that would save his life.

“Move!” A voice rang out, and a green-eyed freshman pushed past the crowd of people gathering around him. “Asthma, right? Where’s your inhaler?”

Weakly, Castiel gestured for his bag, and Dean quickly dug through it, laying his hand on the small metal tube and holding it up, pushing the mouthpiece between Castiel’s lips.

“How many puffs?”

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