Dean and Castiel bring in the New Year with no regrets. 1.1k

There’s ten minutes left of 2017.

They’re with Jody and Donna, so Castiel could check in on Claire for Christmas. That was the excuse anyway. In reality, they all wanted to check on Claire and the other girls. The holidays were a time for family, after all. Besides, it had been a difficult year for all of them. To bring in the new year surrounded by family, whatever variation of family that might be to each of them, was a sign of hope to all.

Sam and Jody are setting up fireworks in the middle of a field, far away from the public eye. It brings back memories for Dean, sitting on top of the Impala when Sam was just a kid. Hell, he’d still been a kid himself. It feels like a lifetime ago.

He pulls a beer out of the cooler, popping off the lid with ease and taking a long drink. It’s his fourth of the night, but he’s building up some courage.

There’s nine minutes to midnight, and he still hasn’t asked Castiel to be his New Year kiss.

He’ll probably chicken out, press a smooth kiss to Donna’s cheek and shoot her a wink. It’s his way, after all. For now, he’s allowing himself nine minutes of denial, nine minutes of fantasy.

He sees himself walking up to Castiel, cupping his cheek, closing the gap between them. He sees himself pulling back, a look of awe and happiness on Castiel’s face. He can practically feel their fingers interlocking as a sign of promise.

“Can I get one of those?”

Dean blinks, and the fantasy disappears. Instead, Claire is leaning against the Impala, gesturing to the beer in his hand. He purses his lips and gives her a mock-stern look.

“One.” He points a finger in her face in warning. “And I got them counted, sunshine, so don’t try anything. I have a secret weapon and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Claire snorts and takes a beer out of the cooler. She looks like she’s going to open the beer on the Impala until Dean’s glare stops her and she rolls her eyes and holds it out for him to open instead.

“What secret weapon is that?”

Dean jerks his head in Castiel’s direction. “Have you seen the way he looks at you when he’s disappointed in you? The freakin’ puppy dog eyes, man. I think he learned it from Sammy.”

Claire flinches and ducks her head. It’s something they share, the fear of letting Castiel down, of letting him go. His death at the hands of Lucifer had hit them both hard.

“You gonna take a chance this year?”

Dean stills, hand tightening around the beer. “Claire…”

“No, I know. None of my business. But Dean? Think how disappointed he’s gonna look at midnight when another human tradition passes him by because you’re too chicken.”

She saunters away with her beer, leaving Dean lost in thought for a moment.

It’s three minutes to midnight and Dean doesn’t need to look up to see who has joined him. Only Cas leans against the Impala with the same reverence as Dean. He knows Baby is something special, has always understood that without being told.

“Are you sure those fireworks are quite safe?”

Dean looks up and gives a small chuckle, retrieving a third beer and handing it over. Castiel takes it without question. “Yeah, I’m sure. Sam’s got this covered and he has Jody for back up regardless. Just sit back and enjoy the sparks, Cas.”

“I’ve never understood why humans place so much emphasis on the new year,” Castiel muses, his head tilted as he gazes up at the night sky. “Another year passes. Another completed orbit. Why would you want to celebrate another step closer to the end of your life?”

Dean mulls over his answer before he gives it. “It’s not celebrating the end of the year, it’s the start of the next. You fool yourself for a little while, tell yourself that this year is gonna be different. You’re gonna do all the things you’ve been putting off. You’re gonna start that diet, or give up drinking. Of course, it never works. But for tonight, you just … live in hope that you’re gonna find that willpower or that courage you’re lacking. You know?”

He glances over, breath held, but Castiel isn’t looking at him, just gazes up at the sky with his brow slightly creased in thought. He’s beautiful in the darkness. The shadows caused by their limited light sources only further emphasis his strong jaw, his bright eyes.

“Thirty seconds left! We’re all set!” Sam shouts suddenly.

A lump finds its way into Dean’s throat and he swallows, squaring his shoulders. It’s now or never. “Cas…”

“Is there something you hope to find the courage for, Dean?” Castiel interrupts.

Dean opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. He clears his throat. “Yes,” he replies quietly, and then the courage deserts him. “I mean, I guess I could drink less.”

He instantly feels self-hatred wash over him and averts his eyes. God, he’d made it so far. He’d really thought this was it, but his courage failed him as it always did.

“Ten, nine, eight…”

“Me too.”

Dean looks back up and finds Castiel a little closer than anticipated. He could count every lash if he wanted to, framing the ocean blue eyes he’s come to know so well. His mind goes blank and he can’t even remember what he was about to ask.

And then Castiel’s lips are on his. There’s cheering and the shrieking of fireworks all around him, but Dean doesn’t hear a single thing. Just white noise. His eyes close and he reaches out, grabbing fistfuls of Castiel’s trenchcoat and pulling him closer.

It lasts for mere moments, but Dean swears he’s experienced lifetimes in Castiel’s kiss.

He’s breathless when he pulls back, and if he’d ever admit there were tears in his eyes, he’d be mildly ashamed of them. His fingers uncurl from the collar of the trenchcoat and his hands drift down to take Castiel’s in his own, lacing their fingers together and squeezing it lightly. He hopes this will convey what he can’t find the words for as he turns to watch the fireworks, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

They can talk about what this means tomorrow. It’s enough for now to know that they won’t be wasting any more time.